Simucon 2003 Quotes

Yes, I have a TON more than the previous years. There is also a MUCH stronger warning for language and adult themes. The AD&D quotes are at the bottom.

If you know who the unknowns are, please let me know.

Will you show me your monster?--Asineth

What's with the weirdos?--GM Anji 'quoting' the people staring from the porch

You know we're all a bunch of geeks. You can go ahead and say it.--Gruhnt to a security guard

Why would you die with a non-weapon in your hand?--Redarch
Some people can't put their mirror down.--Gruhnt

It's a text-based game, why would you want to meet them face to face?--Valquesta's friend

How long have you been here?--Unknown
Long enough to get to the bar.--GM Damissak

So, are you all alone?--waiter to Tryll

You're not allowed to talk until you make up your mind.--GM Sashera to Tyrathia

All right everybody, whip your monsters out--Gwenddolyn to GMs

"GM Valdrik has his toenails painted lilac." -- GM Quarel
"Yeah, that's really fruity." -- Anabasis

This person says "Screw you, life gaining decks."--Random person from M:TG tournament

He's finally got some green beads.--Dremerie, about GM Elnath
We can call him Gumbi.--Nilandia
You can't call him Gumbi, he's not very flexible. He's not very flexible at all.--Lunafleur

Height will change in the future. I'll tell you when.--GM Towint

I've told you not to frown you'll get wrinkles in your forehead.--GM Towint

I support anything that supports cross-guild cooperation to achieve the otherwise unachievable.--Towint
You get to arrest so many more people that way.--GM Danalae

I WILL answer that question. Later.--Towint

You have paths to choose from. PICK ONE.--Towint

It's not that we're hiding things from you, although of course we are, that's not the point. It's that you have a choice to make.--Towint

You also won't know what the choice is until you choose it.--Towint

I have a question.--Tyrathia

And the interesting thing is even if you pick the blue pill, they can still take you down the rabbit hole.--Bakan/Rashmalae
And you won't even know the difference.--Tyrathia

Everybody knows GMs never have ideas.--GM Danalae

Iron-on transfers.--Krinahd on applying tattoo patterns to someone's skin

I know some people like Meanne really would use the iron.--Krinahd

Ok there will be no embroidering of empaths.--Towint

Possibly a barbarian--Towint
--could do it with a mace.--Bakan

The barbarian might be able to do it, but the empath would still be necessary.--Towint

It's called 'if you look at me, you will disconnect'.--Towint

Press here.--GM Deryka

I will make it very clear that nothing is set in stone, even the stonemason career.--Solomon

Blasword's about to have an orgasm. From the look on his face he might have already had one.--Solomon

"Smack." Points and pauses for everyone to laugh and applaud. "The funny thing is, is that everyone knew who I meant."-Solomon

With the size of your head? One.--Jaedren to Rufhelous on how many people can fit in a ship

Gnome vs. Gor'tog. Gnome stands up on the table.--Solomon on arm wrestling

Boy he does have a big one--someone on the size of Solomon's microphone cord

I'm GM Rigby and I'm magic and STUFF.--GM Rigby

GM Jaedren. I lock people out.--GM Jaedren

I'm GM Meakah I'm on the premium team and I do anything anyone else tells me to.--Meakah

I'm GM Jent and I piss thieves off.--Jent

I'm nobody. I just came up here for the heck of it.--Koyta

I do whatever Bubba says, I'm Skippy. I take care of these guys.--Skippy

I'm GM Veyl and I do combat, stealth, stealing and killing large numbers of people in very short amounts of time.--GM Veyl

You don't catch Gwenny. Gwenny catches you.--Veyl on the possibility of fishing for the monster in Lake Gwenallion

Is there a big war coming?--Kapi
It's an evil rumour.

The answer to that one--the answer to "Are you alone?"--is "I'm never alone, I'm always with myself."--Guest of a GSIII person
But I don't get off that way!--Bambina

You are in my quotes file, you will be immortalized.--Tyrathia to Bambina

"Aha! I have not said anything embarrassing today" Looks at watch. "Unfortunately, it's a new day."--GM Gaeloric

You know, since you're such a packrat, you have to vacate your window seat.--GM Raenek
Tyrathia glances up and raises an eyebrow.

Here's a wanted poster. Who wants it?--Solomon on Jennifer Plumbley's costume

Without sound, my talent isn't worth anything.--Lorien
Sure it is.--Alan
As a mime?--Lorien

You can't tell where her shirt stops and her face begins.--Solomon on GM Siani being dragged to the stage for her birthday

Thank you for being such good sports. And thank you for getting old. So we can all sing.--Solomon

I'm tech bitch all day tomorrow. Things that need setting up, things that need taking down...Things that need bending over.--Unknown

This doesn't mean I have issues.--Solomon, holding up a claymore

You can step all over it, I won't feel a goddamn thing.--Alan after being threatened with a foot stomp

I am the PFR--the Public Foot Rest.--Alan

I can't think of anything about a Halfling skull that would make me think of a tart pouch. Unless it was a Halfling and the tart was in his mouth.--Tvini

I've never had so much head before I met Rawb.--GM Valdrik

If she's that good, why can't she take a scar?--unknown on Kayla

Who gets the money?--Towint

No you will not be able to use crutches to go faster than people who are walking normally.

Can you take a limb that you cut off and then beat the critter with it?--Blasword
That's not my release to talk about, but keep an eye out.--Towint

We've had as massive a test as we can done on it, have everyone come in and die.--Towint

Do you go to an empath or a moon mage to heal mental damage?--Larcus
it may be both. Or one. Or the other.--Towint

Stupidity's not a disease, it's a curse.--Towint

You can say anything you want.--Solomon to Towint
He'll just yell at you later.--unknown

Dying's going live on thursday. And I really enjoy saying that. Dying's going live.--Towint

Are you sure it's not going undead?
No, that's in DR2.--Towint

I'm seeing the head, she's seeing the body.--
That's two great tastes that taste great together.--Tvini

If you want something really outrageous--Tvini
Go to the fallen.--

Minimum, minimum, minimum, ALL OF IT! This is the song that never ends...--Shavay on being able to increase or reduce mana to enchantes on the fly

You mean you can ask questions?--GM Deryka

Pay no attention to the bards in the corner.--GM Deryka on Rigby and Cadaya

Can we juggle gnomes?--Ysselt

Are we going to get body contortioning also?--Aisyn

I don't think the goblins do hamlet very well.--Shavay

I'm not letting Vaschon near it with all of his different events.--Ydrask on the rumor system

When you tap, you're supposed to use the flat of the blade.--Towint on scripting empaths in DRTF going "Tap me for healing."

Don't make me silence the room.--Solomon

My badge doesn't say smart guy, it says CEO--David Whatley

I don't remember my password--David Whatley
I do.--Alan

If I actually had a light here, I would..--David
You want a bud light?--Alan

We have invented underline technology.--David Whatley

They made it just like my website!--Tyrathia

David, you're dying.--Skippy

Hey I'm DragonRealms, why don't you like us? The reason we don't like you...--David

Does anyone have a sharp thing?--David Whatley

Somebody's getting laid tonight--Solomon after David proposed and got engaged

No, Skippy, I don't want to marry you. Sex maybe, but not marriage.--Solomon

This was incredibly expensive and I'm having trouble sticking it in.--Solomon

I can't do a free trip cause that bastard from London ruined it.--Solomon

Shhh. I'm not a paladin, and I'm not here.--Jensene

That's because he's too busy getting fucked.--Shavay

Can I have a dolphin in a bathtub?--Tyrathia asking for a new pet at the premium meeting

Help, help, I'm stuck in bed and can't get up!--Redarch

If it hadn't been for some anonymous louse in 1917, think of how much money Spielberg wouldn't have made.--Bartlebee refering to Tolkein's having been sent back to England to recover from trench fever

It's always fun to run down Kurt Vonegut, so I'll do that again.--Bartlebee

As the gnomes say, "Life is short and so am I."--Bartlebee

"You're putting me in charge of WHAT?!"--Tyrathia 'quoting' Bartlebee on finding out he's in charge of P3

Am I in your way?--Bartlebee
No, I'm just stealing things from you because I can.--Samcras

"I'm going to close my door and have some alone time with this proposal" - Solomon on the staff boards after seeing the necro proposal.

I'd jack off in a dixie cup so fast it would make your head spin.--Drongol

"What's going on up ahead?!"--Veyl quoting anyone nonbarbarian in group asking the half-orc barbarians if they were allowed to lead
"Nothing!"*bash*--Veyl quoting the barbarians
"You sure?"--Nilandia
"Well, there was something, but it's dead now."--Gruhnt

"What is it with you and sorcerors and dryads?" Pause. "Don't answer that, please."--Gruhnt

Sorry guys, I'm kinda scattered.--Gruhnt
You can't be scattered, we haven't cut you into pieces yet.--Tyrathia

Nobody's alignment is threatened. The only person who would have been is him, and he's doing a pretty good job roleplaying a barbarian.--Gruhnt, pointing to Rayje
I'm lawful dumb.--Rayje, half-orc barbarian after killing the charmed innocent poleman

It doesn't take a rocket scientist to man the poles.--Dicendarq
If you think that's true, try putting the barbarians on the poles.--Gruhnt

There'll be more innocents!--Veyl
Save some for me!--GM Zabari
The gnome wants a piece.--Gruhnt

Rogue! I'm not a thief, I'm a ROGUE.--Tyrathia for the ten billionth time

He's focused!--GM Zabari on Gruhnt
He's scattered! We chopped him into bits just like the poleman.--Tyrathia

In the entire battle scenario, we had 19 people. Only one was an innocent. He was the first to die.--Gruhnt

And if all the magic spells don't kill him, there's a monk coming out of the water.--Gruhnt

As long as you don't roll a one you're fine.--Gruhnt
You just thought you could swim.--GM Zabari
And I was so fucking wrong. It wasn't that I couldn't swim, it's that when I dove I hit the chain.--Lorien

Ok, the ROGUE is up.--Gruhnt
Thank you! I am NOT a thief, I am a ROGUE!--Tyrathia
You're in denial.--Jaig

Torch guy's got an ouch and a shit.--Gruhnt, writing the words on the battle scenario diagram(after torch guy takes three magic missiles and a knife in the back)

I'll make it up to you. I won't kill you." Pause. "This round."--Gruhnt

I said I'll make it a woman, I'll give him a sex change.--Gruhnt, when asked to repeat the last line.

The R that stands for Rogue--Gruhnt
That's an R?--Dicendarq
Yeah, that's my handwriting. She got the shit...The wizard that cast Magic Missile got the ouch.--Gruhnt

The Thief.--Nilandia

She's scratched, he's lightly wounded.--Gruhnt
It's a flesh wound, it's a flesh wound!--Tyrathia, being Monty Python-esque

The wizard kills five of six oponents with a fireball and leaves the sixth stunned.
I'm going to applaud.--Veenna, playing a Dwarven fighter out to educate the races about how the Dwarven ways are best.
That's the Dwarven way to do things, yes sir! We have that spell back home.--Gruhnt

Even if you make it to level seven, resurrection hasn't been implemented yet.--Jaig

I had to let them kill the innocents, and now we can establish who's who.--Gruhnt

I'm getting me a tattoo.--Rayje after PC party kills a group of 7 tattooed humans
Gym'thul proceeds to skin a human.--Gruhnt

Trying to be nice and not eat in front of them but nooo, they get offended.--Rayje
Now that we're ignoring encumbrance, that leg'll be no problem.--Jaig, after cutting off a leg to snack on later since it was cooked by a fireball

Thul like the taste of gnome clerics.--Rayje

It's kind of like the different between goat and cow. Gnomes are more stringy. Halflings are more like cow.--Rayje

It's in color here, so I'll flash it around.--Gruhnt about the map on his laptop
He's flashing, throw him some beads.--Dicendarq

I've got a character made up all ready for you. If you want him you can play.--Gruhnt
Toss him.--Shavay
Toss him. He must be a gnome.--Jensene
[Just don't tell the Elf.--Tyrathia, four hours later]

You have one *butch* gnome. That's all I gotta say.--Tyrathia on GM Zabari's 59-HP gnome cleric

I'm GM Zabari, and I play a gnome cleric.--Zabari
With 59 hitpoints.--Tyrathia
With 59 hitpoints. I'm a macho gnome cleric.-Zabari
No, you're at least dinner.--Dicendarq

A druid, a lowlife, a pair of barbarians, a shinkicker, a bard, a cleric, a sorcerer, a cleric, and a wizard.--Gruhnt pointing out everyone's class after Tyrathia once again complains about not being a thief

Go back in your hole!--Argot yelling at the tournament from the other side of the gaming room.

You're about four days' journey south to Khorsal.--Gruhnt
Let's go north!--Shavay

I've been a good girl.--GM Naiph
You? I didn't think that was possible.--Tyrathia

Beware the on-site bearing gifts.--GM Stealth after Samcras delivers a bag of pretzels to the D&D table.

The sorcerer casts Floating Disk and rides it down the road.--GM Veyl

Imagine an ostrich with two more asses.--Shavay on Lorien's steed, a quy, a six-legged ostrich

Are we there yet?--Jaig

Don't put the barbarians in front again!--Lorien

Are you Wily Kit or Wily Kat?--Shavay on the sorcerer riding the floating disk

Ye gods, she can talk!--Shavay on Lorien speaking for the first time after several days of adventuring.

Guys, I'm gonna stay here and take care of the ox, you guys take care of them.--Gruhnt quoting GM Zabari's cleric

Don't bring the shins to you, you'll run after the shins.--Gruhnt on Shavay playing Shinkicker

I'll cut em off at the knees and carry em around for three days and keep kicking em.--Shavay

Who's LL?--Shavay
Lowlife--Everyone in concert, GM Naiph and Rayje pointing at Tyrathia.

They've both been hit for five.--Gruhnt
No ouch or shit?--Tyrathia
Kick em in the shins!--Shavay

We're flirting.--GM Naiph
Yes, she's sitting in my lap and I like it a lot.--GM Valdrik

Too bad you can't convey the 'a lot' accent.--GM Valdrik

I can play anything you want.--GM Valdrik

Wait a second, they're combat loggers? They're wimps! When they log back in they better still be at melee!--Shavay after two players called it a night.

It's an angel of a bear.--Shavay after Zabari's cleric summoned a celestial black bear
It's the best looking bear you've ever seen.--GM Veyl

I just want a warhammer of serious healing or something. You will feel GOOD damnit.::swings::--Shavay
Bless you my son.--GM Danalae

Roll em, roll em, roll em, get them dice a rollin--Gruhnt

Your disk hit you in the butt. Dush!--Gruhnt to Veyl's sorcerer

I'm the wicked bitch of the west.--GM Valdrik

You moved my Corona.--GM Valdrik
Hey. I'm a lowlife, I can do that.-Tyrathia

Are they entangled?--GM Naiph
Yes, two of them are.--Gruhnt
So how can they kick the shit out of Shinkicker?--GM Naiph
Very slowly.--Shavay

Last round of combat, we're going to wrap it up for the night after this. Does anyone feel like casting fireball?--Gruhnt

No, you can't cast fireball, there's TREES! Screw the half orcs, burn them to a crisp. Just don't hurt the trees!--Gruhnt

Sorry about that.--Gruhnt after remembering about the bad guy on Tyrathia and rolling for 4 HP damage
No, you're not.--Tyrathia

If you kill all three, my arrow's coming at you.--Jaig to Rayje
'Don't break my arrow.'--Gruhnt

You have a rapier in your hand and you attack with an offhanded punch.--Gruhnt pretending that Tyrathia assumed that she was attacking with her rapier.
Tyrathia inhales deeply.
I think she's counting to ten.--GM Zabari after about a minute passes
No, I'm not, I'm counting to a hundred.--Tyrathia
I'm impressed she's getting that high.--Gruhnt

Gruhnt erases the wrong badguy X on the battle diagram.
Wrong guy. I'm not the lowlife, I'm the short life.--Shavay
And I thought when you got in that situation you were going to have a very short life indeed.--Gruhnt

Rigby wants to watch me play my lesbian monk.--GM Valdrik
Now that you say that...--Rigby, faking turning to leave

Can someone please lift up the robes so we can see what they are?--GM Naiph
If I could get to the damn things--Gruhnt trying to work his way through the entanglement spell.

We need to kill that cleric tonight.--Gruhnt about Zabari's 59-point gnome cleric

This is roleplaying, think outside of the box.--GM Deryka to Koyta
When does she ever think inside the box?--Tyrathia

Yes, I have a ton of extra pencils.--Gruhnt
Those are not light thrown.--GM Deryka

The sheepherder needs to have a sheep following her around and it needs to have a slight greenish tinge to it.--Koyta about Deryka's D&D character

Actually, yeah, our DM was a little weird.--GM Danalae
Isn't 'weird GM' a little redundant?--GM Deryka

And if you screw me over I'll tell your wife.--GM Deryka to Gruhnt

Make her a gnome and that's her mount. Riding into battle on her trusty sheep. Her courageous warsheep.--

The new fighter gnome comes riding in on her trusty warsheep and the two barbarians look at each other and go "mmmm. Mutton."--Gruhnt

What should I train in?--GM Deryka
Levitating sheep and how to press buttons.--Koyta

You just got sheeped.--Gruhnt after Tyrathia got hit with a stuffed sheep thrown by Deryka

If either of us fall down we're killing half our party.--Jaig

I can see thul's doing a lot of killing tonight.--Rayje

The mighty warsheep of the gnome warrior riding into battle.--GM Danalae


Fluffy the mighty gnome warrior on her warsheep Butch.--GM Danalae

For profession put alternate lifestyle.--Rayje

Our sheep herder is klumsy.--GM Acoya

Fluffy the mighty master of the universe...--GM Danalae singing about the gnome sheepherder warrior

I'm an idiot, ignore me. That was a really long childbirth.--Gruhnt after finding out he put one twin a year older than the other.

My character's a goblin, but he has a rat familiar. That's all I care about.--Koyta

I'll let you know after the rat kabob. No, the sheep is a snack for later.--Rayje on what cooked rat tastes like

What race would you like your druid to be, half-elf, half-orc, gnome, halfling, elven, human?--Gruhnt to GM Acoya
Half-elf.--GM Acoya
Half sheep.--GM Deryka
That's nasty. I'm still running 5 seconds late and that's still nasty.--Gruhnt

I bet you don't have to get your sheep drunk.--Rayje

I'm from Missippi, that's why they all wear button flies. Zippers scare sheep.--Rayje

Is my rat smart enough to understand if I tell him to stay far away from him?--Koyta pointing to Rayje
If he's smart you won't have to tell him.--Jaig

Are there going to be any levers?--Koyta
Yes. I promise you that tonight there will be a lever.--Gruhnt

Now I feel much better.--GM Acoya
But now I can see you, so I feel worse.--Gruhnt

Fluffy and the mighty warsheep.--Gruhnt

Just for the record I've killed one charmed and three sleeping.--Rayje

My familiar stays with me right?--Koyta
Actually right now he's missing, you might want to check the barbarians.--Gruhnt

I don't trust anyone guarding with a promiscuous sheep.--Rayje

There's a half-sheep gnome running around somewhere--Koyta

Now make sure you file a bug report for that.--GM Deryka to Danalae about the broken A/C cover

Did they really take my rat or were you kidding?--Koyta
I was kidding.--Gruhnt

If I see anything suspicious I'm going to whistle.--Tyrathia
I'm just going to scream. Shrilly.--GM Danalae
Scream for the mighty warsheep.--GM Deryka

Now I lay me down to sleep.--GM Zabari
I pray the spell my soul to keep.--Gruhnt
Oh god don't let this barbarian decide gnomes taste good.--GM Danalae

A gnome with 59-HP is very tough.--Jaig

If I have my steak tenderizer, you wouldn't be sleeping tonight.--Rayje

If both barbarians are on the same watch, I'm gonna backstab them both.--Tyrathia
Promise? Cause I want to see this.--Gruhnt

Second watch was you and--?--Gruhnt to Deryka
Butch the mighty warsheep.--GM Danalae

Wondertwin powers, activate!--GM Danalae
And the twins say, Delivery! Who called for pizza?--GM Danalae

You better watch who you're kicking or else one of the barbarians might decide to chew on your leg.--Jensene

"Who goes there?"--GM Danalae
"Kill em."--Rayje

What am I, man or woman?--Zabari
You're whatever you say you are.--Gruhnt

The three animals are scavenging. The rat and the half-orcs.--Gruhnt

I got something on my breast.--Tvini
Yeah, everybody's eyes.--Rayje

I take some food to seduce the sheep.--Rayje
You take a leg of mutton to seduce the sheep.--Gruhnt after recovering from laughter

It can pick up the sheep really well from there.--Koyta about the position she set the microcassette recorder in

We need the mighty warsheep.--GM Deryka
Which is a little tender right now.--Rayje, commenting on Acoya's whirling it around by the tag

The raccoon goes ahead and tells you that he's not too comfortable with your group.--Gruhnt
I can't imagine why.--group in concert

You just turned my D&D game into Bambi.--Gruhnt

I'm not a ranger, I'm a rogue.--Tyrathia

I'm not a rogue--::stops to think, then slaps her forehead::--Tyrathia

I just heard the word caravan and I had to stop.--Apu

We have a sheep for sale.--Rayje

If you need food, there's a sheep right there.--Gruhnt

No, he's got the human leg, I've got the mutton.--Rayje

No, you're not going to be able to find a date for your sheep here in town.--Gruhnt

I'm going to try to pump the local livestock.--GM Deryka

We all know what warriors do with their sheep.--Jaedren, walking by

Do you taste good?--Gruhnt
Tell me later.--Rayje

Are you small enough to go down the--oh nevermind.--Koyta to Deryka, aka Fluffy, the gnome warrior

Stay out of sight, stay away from humans, and don't take candy from strangers.--Koyta to her rat familiars
But if it's in a cupboard, it's all yours.--Gruhnt

Sorry, I'm drunk.--Daxlynn
That's ok, most everybody is except me and I'm tired enough to qualify anyways.--Tyrathia after Daxlynn tripped over her.

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