Simucon 2004 Quotes

Lots and lots of quotes. Pretty much X-rated. Rampantly out of order. No D&D this year. Sorry!

To quote a t-shirt I saw at the con: You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can be misquoted and used against you.

Any quote which doesn't have who it's by after it is unknown. If you know who said it, please let me know!


I'm in a hurry because I have people waiting for me there and there and there, but later I'll be drinking heavily and I'll be stationary. - Elonka

Only Tyrathia has to have a comment on everything.-Lakus

Yes, but he tastes great.- Flamesong(AOH)

What did that laugh mean?-Tribanin
Wouldn't you like to know?-Janyl

I would never presume to know more than a GM.-Janyl

Of course we don't have resurrection and there's no altar around here, so you're screwed.--Tribanin

It was Miss Scarlett in the ballroom with the candlestick!--Shavay
Damn!--GM Auriane

Are you a necro?-Jekipe to Mystyria

We didn't say to who, maybe they're going to raffle him off or something. - Mystyria

I really don't want to see Bubba in a bathrobe. - The Merc

You do not need to curtsey and bow unless you feel like it.--Tribanin

Bite my throat and stroke my scepter why don't you?-Tribanin as Vorclaf

We don't have enough sheep comments this year!-Tyrathia

I have no idea of your affiliation with sheep!-Tribanin, not as Vorclaf

Tribanin was apprehended by authority after walking around the hotel asking people to touch his scepter. In a surprise move, GM Natala was running around behind him, yelling, "Do it! Do it! Do it!" Police reports will be available for everyone's review at a later date. Due to this rather odd incident, Tribanin has been asked to step aside as the Moon Mage Guru and Collettea has been installed in his place. Her first official decision as Moon Mage Guru was to proclaim that Moon Mana was too unstable a power to be used to power moon mage spells. To that end, all moon mage spells are now powered by the decaying remains of familiars which have mysteriously been found at the sites of Ripple deposits. - Trib, Sashera, Collettea, Tyrathia, Sleigher and random passersby

My questions to Vorclaf all involve how good she is in bed.--Drongol to Trib while pointing to Sashera.

I have no idea of your affiliation with sheep!-Tyrathia, quoting Tribanin
Neither do I.-Veyl

I told Cecco two hours ago. They're up and ready to go. - BM Pomae on the fake seminar notes

Officially I never know what's going on in plat. Unofficially I never know what's going on in plat. - Pomae

The people responsible for the seminar notes have been sacked. - Tvini

Rangers never bitch alone. - Larcus

I'm sitting on her power cord and I think it's moving. - Pomae

I'm also going hoarse.-Tyrathia
What about cows?-Andy

No, actually I run everything on the fly. It's more fun that way.-Rogtos

But at least there's punctuation on the boards now.--Flamesong

Because I'm going to have to be one of those sexually perverted GMs. The problem is, everyone will know it's me.-Phalo

I'll show my penis to anyone, all they have to do is ask. - Jolebin in scooby doo's voice

Ya know, he's about as swingy as they come. - unknown
Gay people want equal rights? I'll give them equal rights. I'll give them a 10% discount on their KY jelly, and I'll still kick their ass. - unknown

Does a utility belt have a batsignal? - Kynevon

We'll have a seminar on lip and tongue action out in the lobby.-Solomon

I've been trying to blow this off. - solomon

More lip and tongue action!- unknown

I don't drive a stick. - Solomon

Can't I say anything without you people being perverts? - Solomon

Apparently the old man died of van aerial disease. - Solomon

You lead a shallow life. - unknown

Somebody just called you ugly over here. - unknown about unknown

This explains it. Eric Slick's doing it. - Solomon

Oh we told you you weren't funny on purpose. But you do things that other people can make funny. - Solomon about Eric Slick

He's gotta put his balls on the floor. - Solomon about Maxim

You don't want to know! - audience to Solomon

Ok, he doesn't need you anymore. - Solomon about Maxim

I'm gonna do some vibrating later on, so whoever wants to watch... - Maxim

Anybody who knows how to play with one ball knows how to play with two. - Maxim

I know a biker in the tour de france who can play with just one ball but it's not as much fun. - Maxim

Playing with balls is a risky business. - Maxim
Does it require lip and tongue action? - Solomon

I'm going to move closer for those who want to take pictures and other things. - Maxim

He's French, which is why I wanted to make sure he was still doing this, I thought he might back out at the last minute. - Solomon

Don't forget your blindfold. It might come in handy later, you never know - Solomon

I'll get my balls to roll around. - Maxim

Make em strip! - annonymous about the DR costume winners

I'm gonna get off the stage for this one - Solomon.
Coward. - someone in crowd.
Yes. - Solomon

Now you know what you have to do next year. - Solomon

Now there's some lip and tongue action. - unknown
That's definitely lip and tongue action. - solomon

Going around blowing on things isn't going to get you very far. - unknown

Ylena is going to grace us once again with her lovely lip and tongue action. - Solomon

That's lip and tongue action if I ever heard it. - Solomon

Another thing that I do like to do is make an ass of myself in public. - Pepoco

Ebay's a great place to get things. I think my sister got her last boyfriend there. - Pepoco

Where's Jeremael? - Solomon

David has a better idea for next year. - Solomon on the raffle
Does it involve lasers?
Oh hell yes! - Solomon

Let's give away a ball and chain. David's already got one... - Solomon

From gemstoneIII? Gemstone IV. No wonder Melissa was looking at me like that. - Solomon

Remember the lip and tongue action. - unknown

You wanna do a deadwood off for a thousand dollars? - David

Did you mark your trail? - Eoworfina to Thangor
No, that's why I got lost. - Thangor

I don't like doing lame shit all the time, unless it's Friday. - Valdrik

How about adding a use for imbue outside enchanting? - Mozzik
No. - Valdrik
How about if you cast it at a warmage and they just explode? - Mozzik

I'm waiting for all the 'I hate you's. - Tyrathia
We're just thinking it. - Tvini

I want you to have the sperm bindi. - Tvini to Solomon

Go suck on a frostweaver. - Valdrik

It's too early in my seminar for you to be interrupting. - Valdrik

Or a friendly rock. You suddenly notice that the rock is rubbing up against your leg. - Kynevon

You get a strange wet feeling on your foot. When did rocks lick feet? - Kynevon

I want a cow. I just had to say that one more time. - Matrina

You mount the horse and it gets damaged. - Smegul

I mean, what are we going to do, mount shadowlings? - Mozzik

Oooh, touching the netherworld. - Mozzik

The natural state of a board poster is complaining. - Larcus

If this ring blows up and kills you, talk to Trib cause I didn't do it. - Mozzik

First off, if Towint has to explain it to me I know it's going to be tough. - Solomon

No, explain it to me in real words. - Solomon

Ok, that's what I thought, and if it's what I thought, that's good. - Solomon

Core skills that makes sense for each guild:
- Solomon Empaths and whining.
Thieves and bitching.
Bards and martyrdom.

Whatever, you know what I mean.-Solomon

Which I doubt they'll do cause people look like they're going to kill me. - Solomon

Smegul knows what you need. - Solomon

Delete Gossford and the CPU use goes down 20% and everyone's happy. - Solomon

Someone throw me a schedule. (Solomon gets pelted with schedules.) I knew that was bad as soon as I said it. - Solomon

I don't do anything. No, literally, I don't do anything. - Solomon

If they left all at once I'd be gone in a heartbeat. - Solomon

Tell who you are and what your favorite positions are...Not favorite positions...position on staff. No protein comments. - Solomon

I also mess around with rangers. - Arianne

Extra credit for not running away.

I'm Ceosanna, I kill everyone in plat. - Ceosanna

She also plays a mean cabana girl. - Tvini

I'm Koyta, I've been doing quests for about five years, which is why I'm so insane. - Koyta

I have a long term goal of having a hundred merchants and opening them all at the same time. - Koyta

I'm GM Valdrik and I do...and some other things I don't remember. - Valdrik
That's why they aren't done.
And they're all pertaining to you. - Valdrik

I get beat up by GM valdrik. I hold down the couch in the wm guild. - Chakram

I get around. - unknown DRGM

It's all right, you'll belong to us soon enough. - Tribanin

Thank you for reminding me. - Skiori

I know you can't hold it. - Solomon to Skiori

I kill lots and lots of people in DR - Shakahn

I would kill you all but she had you all down every time I get in. - Dartenian

I am the assistant empath development assistant. - Obseden

I'm Meriel and I've been here - Meriel
Forever. - unknown

I rarely kill people, except you! - Meriel, pointing to Elriic

I slum over with the clerics and rangers. -

A lot of these guys up here are my babies. I'm so proud of them! - Iocanthe

I'm kind of Tvini's alter ego when she's not there and she's always there. - Sashera

I am Skippy. They all owe me drinks and and I've only gotten one so far. - Skippy

I do you owe you for that, so I'll give you an alteration. - Bubba to Skiori

Which is bigger, a war mammoth or the war elephant from ROTK?
It depends on your font size compared to the size of your tv screen.-Solomon

When can people in plat get long term benefits? - Davius
Never, you people suck. - Solomon
I was gonna give em to you last night, but you started killing everyone in Crossing... - Solomon

Charisma can go up, stamina could go down...agility and dexterity would get tanked...-Solomon on having an intoxication system

It's obviously Elriic's fault. - Everyone at Patrick's.

Put that away, you're going to get us all killed. - Delyorik

I stil have that stone you want.-Tyrathia
And now I'll give you a fist for it.-Magdar
And if you don't, I'll give you the other fist.-Magdar and Elriic in unison

Evil is relative. - Delyorik

Once I was evil and now I'm a GM. - GM Tilmont

Lots of liquor. - Delyorik
Yeah, lots of liquor - Jacina
Nevermind, you'd like that too much. - Delyorik

Stop rubbing it in. - Delyorik

Would you like some of my fruit? - Delyorik

I'm not good at that trading sharing touching feeling thing. - Llorin

High maintenance? We're here for the weekend. Who the fuck cares? - Delyorik

I'll just pay when I'm done drinking. - Assclepius
Are you ever done drinking? - Tyrathia
I don't stop drinking til I fall asleep. - Assclepius

It's always Bush's fault. - Tyrathia on waking up at 3 am

You know what? Personal limitations - Sorry you have em. - Delyorik to Lorrin

You can do that - but you get arrested for indecent exposure. - Delyorik about running around with a sword in hand in MO

It always makes perfect sense to me. - Assclepius

He wanted a little release on the road. - Assclepius on Aetherion

You just keep that under control, young man. - Barachado

If the stick's gotta come out, the stick's gotta come out. - Delyorik in reference to Eridal

You just had to whip your stick out in front of everyone. - Delyorik

You know, we could start calling Dely Cindy if you want. - Assclepius

Hey, you know if you play your cards right, Dely should be really easy later on. - Assclepius

Apparently I made a big mistake sitting right next to her. - Assclepius, pointing to Tyrathia

I splattered myself five times! - Kitain

Hey, you have "Hot Cinnamon Schnapps!" - Jolebin
That's the one thing that's MINE. Everything else can be shared. - Kitain
So, we're talking about your ass? - Jolebin

It's only been one year. - Jolebin
It feels like it's been longer. - Kitain

Remember, it takes two jerks to be Milli Vanilli. - Jolebin after he and Tyrathia sang part of "Blame it on the Rain"

You drunk? - Magrid
I've had this much already. Gimme half an hour. - Kitain

It was very very bumpy. - Lady Firenze on her flight to St. Louis
You should have flapped harder. - Simu-Andy

It's the vicious one-headed pug! - Tyrathia

I have some big ones. - Simu-Andy

She is taller than my shoulder. - Valdrik about Nynnia

The difference between being involved and being committed is a lot like a ham and egg breakfast. The chicking was involved and the pig was committed. - Unknown

You are dangerous, aren't you? - Elriic to Tyrathia

I didn't, she did it. - Shakahn

Oh god, what'd I do now? - Shakahn

You have a tattoo on your back. - Sindak
No, that's my underpants. - Flura

I didn't do it. Should I have done it? Was I supposed to do it? All right, I did it. - Sleigher

If other people write it down and hand it to me after midnight it's not my fault. - Delyorik
I think we're all a little too drunk to do that. - Assclepius
Somebody isn't. - Llorrin
And you wonder why I don't drink. - Tyrathia

Four days from now my eyes will be glazed over and I'll still be smiling. Screw you. - Llorrin

The rangers talked me into it. - Llorrin

If it's not chocolate I don't want it. - Jensene

Death rum: It warms you up as it knocks you down. - Eldreth

He'd probably shift me into a female. - Kitain
You need some genderbending done? - Tyrathia

You don't know shit, I'll bludgeon you to death with my bottle. - (sorry! I forgot to write this one down!)

What the hell are you writing now? - Major
Quotes! - Group in concert

Whatever she says about me it's not my fault. - Llorrin

Somebody's rubbing my nipple. It's getting hard. - Major

It's con time. It's like a whole different time zone. - Janyl

You haven't gotten any from me yet, have you? - Rogtos
I have now. - Tyrathia

MY couch. - Tyrathia

I'm losing track of who I've met and who I haven't met yet. - Elriic

So far you haven't recorded anything that's worth hacking your site to take off. - Elriic to Tyrathia

No, you don't look tired or anything. - Algion to Tyrathia

The people behind the people... - Tyrathia

Me, drunk? Never. - Jael

No, no, no, no, no, no. - Jael

Ok, I'm not so mad anymore. - Jael

Remember who you're sitting next to. - Taffei
I won't. And that's the problem. - Jael

I'm sorry my pants keep falling down. - Treshan

It's an unavoidable fact of life. - Treshan

Ow ow ow that hurt me. - Fidessa

He has a nice butt, too. - Taffei on Treshan

Anything you wrote down about biting arms you can scratch off. - Fidessa
I didn't write anything down about that. - Tyrathia
Good. - Fidessa

And this is different how? - GM Mignon

I'm being followed by another beautiful woman. I like this. - (sorry, forgot to write it down again!)

I'll just sit in the corner and play with my boulders. - Viptorian

My phone has so become a hole. - Elriic

Oh shit, how many did you get from me? - Major

Oh my god, I DID say that! - Major on the nipple comment

Someone was looking for you. - Tyrathia
Did they want to grope me? - Jolebin

I am going home before something really stupid happens. - Tyrathia

The quote file is 100 billion KB. - Jolebin

If you want to find my quotes, just use the explorer search function on the word 'penis'. - Jolebin

What's wrong with Cyberstrike? - Delyorik

I'm going to have to say yes to that. - Delyorik

I'm not a Stoopid, I'm a Muppetstoopid! - Tyrathia

Look, there's a nonthief here! - Carrey

I didn't realize you were coming with me. - Tyrathia
Who, me? - Kynevon
Yeah, you. - Tyrathia
I'm mostly harmless. - Kynevon

You cannot have Coke alone, it can only have Jack, so go find Jack. - Ysselt

At least that's all you'll be sore from. - Annonymous
That's an insult! - Eoworfina

We came up with a new Ranger ability to give new meaning to marking your trail. - Eoworfina

Spells her name and then gets back to chatting. - Flamesong

The weirdness is catching. - Tyrathia

Leftover or fresh starts? - unknown asking crowd in lobby
Yes. - Magdar

The last time I was mean to the well-- - Flamesong
It spit sewage at you! - Phalo

Oh shit, she's writing again. - Flamesong

Don't make me whip you. - Anika
Don't make me lick you. - Rogtos

Straight men are so worthless. - Flamesong

Instead of HX, we're HO. - Flamesong
Stop writing. - Flamesong

She has no character. - Magdar about Phalo

I've given her a few good ones. - Flamesong
A few? - Tyrathia
Ok, I've given you a LOT of good ones. - Flamesong

What is with this word SOON? - Rogtos

Who, why, when, where, and how hard? - Rogtos

Your elbow hurts. - Anika

I want to reduce your writing skill to like nothing. - Flamesong to Tyrathia

We just figured you were screwing Dennis. - Flamesong

Course schedule? Fuck you, bitch! - Flamesong

Where's my cheesecake? - Tvini

I'm really good at remembering faces and really really bad at names. - Tyrathia
Are you me? - Jolebin

I'm only going to get more surly as I get drunk. - unknown

I am a gaggle. - Meakah

We are a soon. All of us are a real soon now. - Andy

I'm an Olvi, don't step on me, thank you! - Tyrathia

Well, if you tell me what not to close I won't close it. - Tyrathia

Warrior Mages have been approved. - Tyrathia

THey don't have trash cans so I'll leave it on a horizontal surface that isn't the floor. - Tyrathia

It was weird, it was random, it was fun. - Jolebin

It's a dry county, but that just means you can't buy beer in a bottle. - Jolebin

Isn't drinking about the only thing you can do in Boise? - Tyrathia

Wanna buy a lanyard? - Tvini

And now the cruelty begins. - Tvini

He's a real special case. - Jubalee on Schism

I love it when I lose my train of thought, especially when my hand is on my backside. - Shiva

Everybody thinks he's evil but he is! - SGH Darnak on GM Veyl

If you see someone get thugged and they're not in uniform, you can assume it has to do with this. - Tribanin

I have a reputation. - Flamesong

You guys go stand in the corner. - Tribanin

So what do Halfling Empaths heal, skinned knees? - Tribanin

You're entertaining just seeing you. - Rogtos to Flamesong

Flamesong's not cheesy, he's just a fag. - Flamesong

I'm going to apply to be the GM in charge of butt floss. - Magdar

I've got no idea what we're talking about. - Tyrathia

That's why she's an empath - so she can fix things that don't click. - Mozzik

We're not H triple X for nothing - Flamesong

You hear a voice gurgle, "Hot damn!" - Shavay

I'm a big fan of the ding dong. - unknown

She needed a warsheep to go with the war rat. - Kynevon?

Any last quickies? - Risek

Lame stuff first! - David

Tell us the cool stuff first so we aren't late to the State of Elanthia at 4:30! - unknown
That's been cancelled. - David

Where do we sign up? - unknown

I like how her hips move when she runs. - unknown
We all do.

We're not perverts. - unknown
We're not? - Kynevon
At least in my mind. - unknown

Basically, we took a world and broke it.

That was the lame stuff?
Yeah, she didn't jump!

Can we see a guy? - unknown
Unfortunately they were all killed in the war.
The guys are all too hot to show. - David
They melt the screen.

Don't ever push the red button!

Anything involving interaction? - Jolebin
With you? - David

Well, there's Bambi, where's Godzilla? - Jolebin

The Keebler Elf home!

How do we get there? - David on the tree city in Hero's Journey
Public transportation! - Kynevon

Can you do this with all body parts? - unknown

This is my mattress simulator.
Will those be available in private rooms? - unknown

Horse Smash! - unknown

And now I'll go ahead and beat the dead horse. - David
Ok, fine, we killed something. You happy now?

Oh, whip man! Write that down! - David

He's AT & Mr. T! - Shavay

Your mouth is sore from giving head, is that what you're trying to say? - unknown

I'm a mule. - Shattele

My nipples are sweating. - Nimmo

You are a very sick puppy. - Tyrathia
I know. - Kynevon
I like you. - Tyrathia

Yeah, I tripped over a pink and purple dog. - Riel

I couldn't figure out what that lumpy feeling was. - Pomae

Anything else or should I go interrogate someone else? - Tyrathia

I wanna see if I can do you. - Collettea to Algion

I didn't say you had to come. - Mozzik

Check back when you're drunker? - Tyrathia

She's playing with your underwear. - unknown

It depends on how far she bends over. - unknown

Have you played cities and knights? - Krakii
Titties and knights?! - Stealth

A single woman looking for wood and unable to find it at Simucon. - Shylor

Robert, would you like my pickle? - Stealth
Yes. - Krakii
Here, I'd rather you grab it than I grab it. - Stealth

Ok, she has a small hand with a brick in it. - Krakii

Make a note: don't put big words in my seminar. - valdrik

PLEASE make sure Blasword doesn't get ahold of that! - Everyone at the Visions of Quests seminar about the wire dragon puzzle

You stupid deader, I'm not finding a cleric for you. - Mozzik

You got a lot of balls and lip and tongue action, did you? - Tvini

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