Simucon 2005 Quotes

Quotes and more quotes. Pretty much X-rated. Rampantly out of order. No D&D this year, either. Sorry!

To quote a t-shirt I saw at last year's con: You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can be misquoted and used against you.

Any quote which doesn't have who it's by after it is unknown. If you know who said it, please let me know!

Vyrshkana/Cheesecake Gnome

What are you doing, feeling people's heads? Oooh, yeah, that's smooth! - Jolebin feeling Eridal's shaved head

I can feel my arteries hardening! - Dainar

Sailors like sheep too. - Krakii

It's all about the sheep. - Krakii

All right! I scored some sheep! - Krakii

Oh yeah, I need sheep! - Krakii

Denoument, the letdown after the climax. - Oengus
Story of my life. - Krakii

Do you have a single? - Tierus to Shiril
A one-dollar bill? - Shiril
A thing you stick into her pants when she starts to dance. - Tierus to Krakii about Shiril

It's not worse comes to worse, it's worse comes to worsT. - me
And what does German sausage have to do with it? - Krakii

At least you missed the butt break one. - Tierus

They're outside taking a butt break. - Krakii
What, it's their first time? - Tierus

You have to stop talking now. - GM Ethereal

I have to be good this year. I'm staff now. - begged me not to add name. You should be able to figure it out.

Never talk in front of her when she has that or a note pad. - Flamesong

I figure everything that's ever said by you or to you will someday be posted on your website. - GM Ethereal

Hey this one starts in a tavern, ok, that's me! - Shavay on Talisman character

Hey, I'm being molested! - Flamesong
It's about time. - Jubalee
Get your hand out of there! - Flamesong

I've never seen a fire elemental in a bikini. - Tyrannic

I am in deathly need of a tampon right now. - Rawb

It was fun playing with you all. - Shiva

It looks like Jimmy Buffett barfed on you. - Ysselt

Oh, that's right, the projector goes on the backside. - Mike

You can choose before, during, after, or surprise. - Ex-Veyl on invasions during weddings

We're going to rename that the Tyrathia memorial chamber. - GM Tvini on the junkyard

the tyrathia memorial item reclamation facility.-Ex-veyl

I want to be spooning a lot of people tonight. - Arcrest

I thought, why are they selling condoms here? - Magdar on eelskin balloons

ALl right! The candy of mighty smiting! - Magdar

We're going to give out all the awards for the various competitions in the various games...then we're going to kick out a few GMs... - Solomon

I'm just gonna hold it. - Solomon

Solomon would you like me to hold it for you? - Jolebin
No, that's ok. - Solomon

It's definitely longer. - crowd

I'll just attach it to this.

Tsin was the first one out. So if you see him, congratulate him on being the worst poker player at simucon. - Solomon

No wonder we have fog! - Dayle

Is it x-30 already? - Shavay

Autoclearing the problem flag because Antichrist has been good lately. - Keynote

Premium report: I just lost 4 levels, a husband and I don't know what else. - Keynote

Can I get everything back except the husband? - crowd

Do you want to check the cheesecake? -me
I need to play Settlers! - Nilandia, panting

Krakii and I are going to go elope. - Andy

The guy who was sitting next to me is adorable, but I'm pretty sure he's straight. - Jolebin

It's probably me, because I was using it for cooking. - Me about the missing salt shaker while singing along to "Margaritaville"

Just go up to everyone you don't know and ask, "Are you Hal?"! - Shyllia
Hal!!! - yelling in concert
I'm sorry, Dave, I can't do that. - Jolebin

Would you like to touch my nipple? - Jolebin

Who forgot to order champagne? - Me in limo

If you need to keep your cheesecake somewhere safe, I will eat it. - Jolebin

He can't go into the military 'cause he just can't stop having sex with men. - Reorix on Jolebin

These are not the silos you're looking for. - Me on silos from shut down bases being turned into homes.

She invented cold fusion. - Jolebin, about me, to Juspera

It only recently occurred to me that you can't pick a pickled pepper. You have to pick the pepper and then pickle it. - Jolebin

It's definitely just you. What was the question? - Jolebin

Jesus Christ! - me on Jolebin's notes
Yes, my daughter? - Jolebin

I'm not much on commitment, is that what you...? - Dainar on Llorrin

I'm a crackhead! - Dainar, holding crackers to forehead

There's a crazed cook in the back going, "This is my best stuff! It's not going out! No one's gonna eat this!" - Kraelyst

Is that a good "Oh my god"? - someone at Vivian's

And you're all sitting here listening to me and Jolebin discuss the waiters... - Me at Vivian's

My god you look like a mook. - Jolebin to Dainar with spoon.

The key to balancing the spoon is first to recognize that there is no spoon. - Jolebin

I'll hump your leg too, it doesn't matter to me. - Llorrin

Don't quote me, damnit. Wednesday night is free. - Llorrin

Tell me, Mother, tell me about the entrees. - Jolebin

Yeah, quote him. - Llorrin about Jolebin

That man can sing, I don't care what anyone says. - Llorrin on Dainar

I think this was listed in the Geneva Conventions as torture. - Me on Dainar singing ABBA

And for the first time it was not my fault. - Llorrin

Hi, I'm Dainar. This is my brother Eridal and this is my other brother Eridal. - Dainar

I didn't get fucked like that. - Llorrin

It's not the gloves you need to worry about, it's the hands underneath. - Llorrin

I might be a redneck if what? - Llorrin

So many goodlooking guys and every last one of them heterosexual. - Jolebin

So you're Switzerland? - Me

Plat as a whole is very easy to to run a storyline in that way cause y'all are mouthy. - GM Zilana

What are some obstacles to running events? - GM Mitra
Apathy. - Jolebin

But there's always a third one, someone puts the stone in their locker. - GM Zilana

Are you a good tree or a bad tree? - Jolebin

We love killing you. We see a star and go YES!
Like Kenny on South Park. - Jolebin

A silvers only merchant in minotaurs, what do you think? - GM Zilana

As soon as you attack one side or the other... - Nilandia
You're meat. - Me

I love running stories. And if I can kill people... - GM Zilana
All the more reason to do it! - Me

If you were a guy you'd be dead by now, but since you're a woman and you stopped to ask directions... - GM Tvini on Ruatha asking Shartug and Co. for directions.

Oh, wait, isn't Shartug the enemy? But he's CUTE! - Ruatha

I'm free! - me
I hope so, this is America. - Niamara
Does that mean you're cheap? - Ahalaia

The thing is, I don't think hobbits should ever have sex, especially not with each other. - Old friend

Thank you god! - Me
What? - GM Vaschka

So, exactly what would you do for a sheep? - GM Koyta

Can everybody hear me? - Solomon
No! - Crowd
Oh, shut up! - Solomon

I want to thank everybody for coming out. No, not you, Jolebin. - Solomon

Jolebin does a high kicking dance.
That's the Dragon Dance. - Solomon

Do the Dragon Dance! - Crowd to Iayn
He's only 58th, he doesn't have it yet. - Solomon

I get the feeling they don't teach GMs much hiding. - Someone in crowd

Today, at our table we will be talking about napping. - GM Tribanin

And occasionally a dwarf or two but that's a private matter. - GM Tribanin

She can also teach you how to strip tease. - someone on GM Helena

I get on all fours first. - GM Rinae

I'm an Ass GM - GM Rinae

I'm GM Xadrian and I build stuff.

We create all those things you play with. - GM Alvy

Much to the chagrin of all the GMs who suddenly went, "Don't talk about P6!" - Solomon

What am I going to do with the other 8? Wouldn't you like to know? - Solomon on spending 10 more minutes on upcoming stuff.

Beacuse like us, you guys have nothing else to do on Saturday nights. - Solomon

It's like the penguin's evil brother. - GM Koyta

Nice booty. - Solomon

People who really want booty. - Solomon

This quest has been in development for a long time, and there's a reason it's called cursed. - Solomon

Lip and tongue action! - someone in crowd
Sounds good to me! - Jolebin

Are they home movies? - Jolebin
I said they were short, that should tell you something. - Solomon
And Jolebin's drooling. - Someone in crowd.

I've been doing my best to keep from shoving it down your throats on the boards. - Solomon
You want to rephrase that? - Jolebin
I said on the boards, not the headboards. - Solomon

Was that your booty call? - Jolebin about a call from David Whatley during the DR State of Elanthia panel
No, that's the other David. - Solomon

I can say necromancers will be released after this simucon. - Solomon

But all current necromancers can wear thief titles. - GM Towint

Does that mean we have consent on everyone wearing a thief title? - Magdar

He can't come back til he reads the player handbook. - someone about Camchak

I will go on record saying it'll be ready before next Simucon. - Solomon

That's the booty call. - crowd on ring tone
You should hear it when it vibrates! - Jolebin

Some of it's really neat. - a GM on P5
Only some of it? - Me

It's not going to happen this summer. It's way too hot. - Solomon on Hot Summer Nights

I am the tallest Catholic in a world that doesn't allow Catholocism. - GM Oolan

Is that part of the new feature system light sabre attacks? Or shifting? - GM Oolan

Kill rat. Skin rat. Search rat. Kill rat. Skin rat. Search rat. Kill rat. Skin rat. Search rat. Is this fun? - GM Ozias
Not for the rat. - Landrion

Areas like minotaurs. No one hunts in minotaurs. - GM Warden
Gee, I wonder why. - Landrion

My name and Cryptos. - Elonka
You're a klepto? - Niamara
Count the stuff on the table! - Elonka

Go back from whence you came. - Hillgren to Purreliss' son
That would require a lot of lubricant. - Tagen

If this spell lasts more than 4 hours, consult a physician. - Zequa on the Penis of Infinite Hardness spell cast on a Curses player

How far will the other engine get us? - Dainslef
All the way to the crash site. - Tagen

God help me. - GM Khaladon joining Curses

You jiggle well though. - GM Khaladon
All of me thanks you. - Razzera

Sorry, I was busy jiggling. - Razzera to Sleigher

You're supposed to be a psychic, not state the obvious. - Hillgren

You did that really well for a guy. - Razzera to Tagen about drinking beer with no hands

Someone ding me twice. - Zequa

I would keep drinking if I thought there was a decent chance of someone trying to take advantage of me. - Jolebin

Smile, nod, and slowly back away. - someone at Curses

I got a bigger weapon than you. - Watashi
Oh, really. - Wesley

No one tole me about the breast room! - Flamesong

Yahtzi doesn't require too much thinking, you just shake it and it pops out. - Phalo

Oooh, she wants a pucker. - Phalo

The upsells team will be hosting naptime at our table. - Khaladon

I'm GM Sleken and what he said. - Sleken

I'm GM Ethereal and I'm not cool enough for a table. - Ethereal

Four Seminars. We're slackers. - GM Ozias

It's just like real life, only in text. - Krakii?

I dream in text, so I think I'm there. - someone in crowd

Are you tired of being treated poorly? - Melissa
You're a half-elf, what do you expect? - Khaladon

Half-elf concentration camps! - unknown

I can definitely say maybe! - Melissa

Gosh, you guys aren't that needy this year. - Melissa

That sounds painful. Here's how Chewbacca died. He had a moon fall on him. - Krakii

Anyone got Krakii plaything for dead-type tree? - Nilandia

He went without sheep. It was a long dry spell. - Krakii

Would you like some gummi parts? - HJ Neo
It's a gummibearkabob. - HJ Neo

Hey, this is kind of Modus-y. - Caroline Rupert

What new experiences would you like to have? - GM Alyias

I just couldn't think of anything clever and witty. - Willowlea

Ice cream waits for no man. - Ysselt
Good thing I'm a woman. - Shiva

We share everything else. Ooooh, that sounds bad. - Ysselt

She just likes doing the same thing over again over again. - ex-GM Shade

What boat do you have? - Sleigher
The Golden Sunrise. - Magdar
That's an auction one, right? - Sleigher
Yeah. - Magdar
At least it wasn't the Golden Shower. - Sleigher
Now that would have pissed me off. - Magdar

I've been reduced to a spoon. - Sleigher
Well, fork you. - Shavay

I got the big rolls to share. - Aetherion

Lots and lots of slurping. Slurp it, baby, slurp it! - Tierus

You could use cougars, but you'd have to dye little spots on em. - Dayle
Hey, I spotted a cougar today! - Niamara

Anything's possible. Especially since I'm rewriting the system. - GM Obseden

My prize ewe! - Krakii, giving sheep to Icewhite
I wonder how it got that way! - Nilandia

It's time for me to have a cigarette. - someone
Butt break. - Krakii
No, cigarette. You leave the sheep here. - someone

Mmmm.... sheep... - Krakii

Mmmm.... triplets.... - Krakii

So you like six nine. - Krakii, during a Settlers setup
No, I like nine six. - Magdar
No, you like six nine. - Krakii
So do I. - Clunk
Wait.... - Clunk

Everybody's hand pauses over the sheep. - Krakii

Solomon walks up to the Munchkin table, a pair of black horns sitting on his forehead.
Not one word. - Solomon
Well, someone looks horny tonight. - Nilandia
Can we all just go around the table and say that in turn? - Yarx

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